I scare small children

The husband is nothing if not predictable. Every morning (that he's home) he gets up a little grumpy, stumbles into the bathroom, pads into the kitchen to put the coffee on, impatiently waits for the dripping to cease, pads back into the bathroom, sets his coffee down, flops onto the bed, groans and complains he's not awake yet.

He takes the same route to work, gets his hair cut every third Saturday morning at 8am (because the line is ridiculous honey if I wait till 8:30am), takes exactly 20mins to shower, shave, and get dressed and depending on the weather either wears khaki shorts or denim jeans.

If I was a stalker, he'd be an easy mark.

I, on the other hand, take anywhere from 30-90 mins to get dressed, depending on how much I like myself that day. If it's like today, where the weather is forecasting rain and high humidity, I don't even bother. I shower, diffuse my naturally curly frizzy hair and throw on something that is clean and half way matches. Because if the humidity is above 50%, forget it, no one is going to notice what I'm wearing, they'll be blinded by my hair.

The husband, however being his predictable self, I assumed had become immune to my bad hair days during the summer months. Today, he proved otherwise.

"Why didn't you straighten your hair today"

Because it's 88% humidity out there, it'd be pointless

"Oh"

Now the word "oh" has many connotations. In my house, if your a toddler it means something was explained that you didn't know before. If you're an adult, the word is laced with sarcasm as it's used as a filler to replace what you really wanted to say.

Why

"Nothing, it looks fine"

Just fine?

"Oh, well it looks.....fine"

Stop saying fine

"It looks....it looks....it looks, SEXY. Ya, it looks sexy"

Now I know you're lying