Tyler has a small obsession with pickles.
He'd eat them at every meal if I let him. Correction, he'd eat them FOR every meal if I let him. With ketchup on top.
On average, I go through about a jar of pickles spears a week. The good refrigerated kind. Because, lets be honest, life's too short to eat crappy pickles.
However, last night, it occurred to me that I need to seriously reconsider Tyler's pickle habits.
It was the nightly diaper change that involved poop. Because my son is nothing if not regular, and fair. He poops once a day at the sitters, and once a day at home. Awww, how nice, he shares.
The husband, being the dutiful husband he is, offer to "help" or hang around just in case I needed an extra set of hands. I sat on the floor, ripped the sides of the pull-up apart and exposed the nasal offender. I was speechless. Well, almost, the conversation went something like this:
ME: "Good God! It's.....GREEN! [tipping the diaper back to inspect more closely] What did he eat yesterday?"
HUSBAND: "Uhm....I gave him a pickle for lunch?"
ME: "And he conned 2 outta me for dinner" [sigh]
ME [@ Tyler]: "Buddy, I think mommy is gonna have to cut back on your pickle consumption, you're pooping pickles!"
TYLER: [Pulling down the diaper to see for himself] "Is that my pickle poop?"
The husband and I looked at each other, and fell to the floor laughing hysterically. I tried not to dump the diaper contents on the floor as tears ran down my face, and the husband had to leave the room. Tyler, realizing he'd made a funny, covered his mouth, snickered and said it again with more excitement.
It was a good 5 mins before we'd regained our composure. Dear god, please don't let him repeat that at the sitters today. I'm not sure I could handle explaining to 6 other mommy's why my child thinks pickle poop is hilarious.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Tyler has a small obsession with pickles.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
When your pregnant, cravings can be very dangerous; for not only yourself but for those around you. Heaven help the man who chooses not to aid a woman during one of her many pregnancy induced food cravings.
Last night, that poor man was my son Tyler. At about 7:30pm, I became overrun by a burning desire for a cheeseburger, a get outta my way; I’m in a hurry kind of desire. But I didn’t want one of McDonald’s wimpy, limp, small, pathetic burgers. No I need me a CHEESEBURGER. Why? Because some dumb idiot thought it’d be a GREAT idea to run a cheeseburger commercial during one of MY shows; A commercial that had all kinds of close-ups and panning of how hot and juicy it looked. With its melty cheese and crisp pickles and tomatoes. Stupid marketing ploys….
Unfortunately, Tyler was too caught up in his play-dough building to be bothered by his mother’s latest insanity. So he protested, and I tried rationalizing, “It will only take a minute, we’ll be right back”.
Then he stomped his foot, so I tried bargaining, “Want mommy to get you a happy meal toy?”
Then he just shook his head no, so I tried pleading, “But mommy is VERY hungry”.
When he shot back with a loud “NO!” I’d had enough.
I scooped him up in his pj’s, slung him under my arm, his slippers bobbing precariously on the end of his toes, threatening to slip off, grabbed my car keys on the way out and plopped him into the car seat.
I knew I’d regret eating anything this late. But I didn’t care. I was consumed.
I drummed my fingers on the dashboard impatiently as the guy in front of me dawdled and took his sweet time obeying the speed limit in our residential neighborhood. I fidgeted with my gear shift as I waited in the drive-thru line as the lady ahead of me leisurely pursued the menu. And nearly took a kids arm off at the drive-thru window as he handed me my sack and I stepped on the gas and hauled ass back to my house.
I savored every bite, even if they had screwed up my order and put onions on my cheeseburger. And just as I predicted, as I neared the end of my sandwich, I sorely regretted my decision.
In that, stick-a-fork-in-me-I’m-done kinda way. And at that moment I could have doubled as a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon I was so bloated and full, but I didn’t care, I may have been miserable. But I was happy. At least, until the next out of control craving hit.
So all persons living in a 5 mile radius of my abode be on the lookout for a crazy-eyed, curly-haired pregnant woman in a house coat. And keep a wide berth.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The tech on Monday was "extremely confident" that there was no doubt we were blessed with a little girl. And so graciously provided us with a money shot, or a lack of money as the husband has already started lamenting about. The husband has, however, quietly admitted he's very excited to have a little girl, even if the thought of having a girl is already forcing him to loose sleep.
My failure, though will allow me to flex my creative muscles and create a very girl-centric nursery, with lots of shopping as a natural byproduct. I've already got a good idea of what the room will look like.
We'll do a pink and chocolate brown theme with lambs as accents.
The walls will be soft pink on top, with a white chair rail and chocolate brown below.
I found this reusable vinyl wall expression to go right above the crib from a good friend who sells Upper Case Living.
So far that's all I've got, but it has only been 2 days!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Today is the big day. The husband and I are heading this afternoon to our ultrasound.
I originally told the husband that I didn't want to know what we were having. I wanted it to be a surprise until birth. I was met with mixed emotions from my family and friends. Most of my family was very supportive, my stepmother thought it was wonderful! My friends were slightly disappointed, but understood. My sister, however, was crushed. She felt I was personally punishing her, and spent much of that day ignoring me. She's made it well known that she "expects" a girl this time around. And has even had one-on-one conversation with the husband about his fate if he failed to produce her a girl.
So when the neurotic planner in me started to realize that I'd have to wait till AFTER the baby was born to do any shopping, decorating, organizing, etc. I panicked. OMG! What about this, what about that, how am I going to...I had worked myself into a mad frenzy by week 14.
It was then that my stepmother calmly mentioned maybe I should find out, for my own sanity. She said "if it will make you feel better, then it's no big deal." And she was right. Once I began to tell people that we were finding out, everyone seemed to draw a collective sigh of relief. As if there was a side bet going to see how long I'd last before I cracked.
It also didn't help that when most people met me for the first time just assumed because my first was a boy I'd want a girl this time. Truth was, I didn't much care either way. I'd even fed my neurosis by making a mental pro/con list:
1. The thoughts of cute little dresses, and ruffed socks, and hair decorations
2. The shopping that goes with #1 :)
3. The eventual joy of doing "mom/daughter" things like prom dress shopping and planning a wedding.
4. Giving my daughter a family name to help remember my mother.
5. Having more "back-up" later against the inevitable increasing testosterone level in my house
1. I am in L-O-V-E with my selected boy name
2. The thought of having two boys, two brothers who will share a life long bond is amazing
3. The frugality of having the same sex and not having to buy another thing.
4. Boys are so much fun
So today is the day. Today I'll feel 100% better, calmer, and more prepared. And either way I'll be happy. I do have my own theories about the gender, though I'll wait to share that tomorrow. But for today, you tell ME what you think? Boy or Girl?
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The husband and I are apart a good amount of time during the week, so we have some pretty random conversations over IM on our crackberries. But these two convo's today were funnier than usual, we're in rare form today.
Husband: Hey it's gonna be a late night, do we have anything at home to eat?
Me: Yes [running through the list of items in the fridge] but please let me know what you'd like to eat so I'll can try not to eat any of it.
Husband: Honey, eat what you want, I'll just find something when I get home
Me: No, I'm not kidding, the psycho crazy food cravings have kicked in and I'm eating anything not nailed down.
ME: Wait! There's more, I had a bacon deluxe burger for lunch only about 1 1/2hrs ago and now I'm working my way through a can of mixed nuts.
Husband: We have mixed nuts?
ME: Ya, I bought them last night, they were on sale. Along with some jelly beans.
Husband: Ooh I like jelly beans!
ME: Uhm, ya...those may not have made it through the night.
ME: I screwed up
ME: I had to take your mother to the airport, so I grabbed a $20 from our deposit stash for parking. But when I went to leave, I got stuck in the cash only automated teller machine line. So now I've got 18 gold dollar coins. I feel like a little old blue hair who just hit hit the jackpot in Vegas. [jingle, clink, jingle]
ME: Ya I figured you'd find that funny. How am I suppose to put coins in the atm!?!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
So.....it's been like FOREVER since I posted.
[slap]...Bad blogger....[slap]...Bad blogger...
I kinda lost my momentum/inspiration and fell pathetically short of the unwritten expectations of a blogger. But I'm gonna give this another shot and try like hell to maintain a modest goal of 3 posts per week.
Now that we've got that cleared up, I'm guessing a catch-up post would be appreciated. So let me see...what is new....
Oh, yes [ding!]......WE'RE PREGNANT! However, I feel that's a bit anticlimactic since most of my readers knew that already. But hey, a good general announcement never hurt anyone.
We're due with #2 in August, and honestly we're thrilled, we're ready for this next stage of our lives. Well, I should probably qualify the word thrilled* with one tiny disclaimer.
* 8 weeks of all day, nauseating, porcelain throne praying, meat smell aversion, not tonight honey I have a vomit headache, "morning sickness" is more than necessary to remind a woman that this was her brilliant idea, and that she should probably consider making this her last pregnancy.
And...moving on to other things of importance worth noting:
1) We're actively trying to potty training. Tyler, unfortunately has other ideas and is actively NOT potty training.
"Tyler do you need to use the potty?"
"Are you sure....wait! Are you pooping?!?"
2) The husband and I are planning a short vacation (which happens to coincide with a business trip I'm being forced to take) to the beautiful Bay Area. This will be our first "vacation" since we got married almost 4 years ago, it's highly deserved/needed, and will most likely be the last "couple vacation" we get until we're both grey, crotchety and contemplating dentures.
3) We are spending an obscene amount of money finishing home improvement projects that were started over various periods of time, with good honest intentions, but for whatever pathetic reason were abandoned. We're forecasting that child #2 may be more than we bargained for and our spare time will become obsolete.
It was also determined, that future and forever New Year's resolutions for the husband will be: to NOT, under any circumstances, take the wife & the charge card to the Home Depot in the same trip, especially if she mentions "browsing", "getting ideas", "just looking" or any combination of those words.
I, although you'd never know it, bounce back and forth for weeks trying to decide if we'd find out or if we'd keep it a surprise. My sister unfortunately didn't find my indifference funny, she accused me of personally trying to torture her. She, is hanging her very existence on her sister providing her with a girl.
So, if I still have any readers left, I guarantee you I'll be better this time around than I have been in the past four months.