The husband is always complaining he is not a mind reader and he is constantly one step behind what I'm talking about. So I thought I'd put together a little cheat sheet for him. Strong communication makes a strong couple.
The Female Dictionary
Yes - No
No - Yes
Maybe - No
We need - I want
I'm sorry - You'll be sorry
We need to talk - I need to complain
Does my butt look big in this? - Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want - You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset - Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? - Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate - Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights - I have flabby thighs
Do you love me? - I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision - The correct decision should be obvious by now
How much do you love me? - I did something today that you're really not going to like
Fine - This is the word we use to end an argument when we are right and you need to shut up.
Five Minutes - If we're getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
Nothing - This word should sent alarms off. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
Loud Sigh - This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means we think you are an idiot and we wonder why we are wasting our time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
That’s Okay - A very dangerous word. That’s okay means we want you to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
Thanks* - We are thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.
(* unless we say ‘Thanks a lot’ - this is PURE sarcasm and we are not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome.’ that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
Whatever - This is woman speak for FUCK YOU!
Don’t worry about it, I got it - This means there is something that a we have asked you to do several times, but we are now doing it ourself.
This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ To which we will respond 'Nothing'.
It's a vicious cycle, just do the task we asked the the first time to avoid the headache.