Sexy is relative

In high school, boys were gross; but in our schoolgirl adolescent hormonal haze we couldn't see past the letterman jacket and the cute smile. Most of the time we just lust after them from afar, giggle with our friends as we passed by their lockers, do slow drive-bys of their houses (if we could drive), call their houses late at night and hang up, agonize over just the right outfit to wear to the Friday night football games, and fall asleep to the thought of being asked to the spring dance. In our mind, all boys were Johnny Depp.

The truth was, boys were smelly, pimply faced and just as dilusional as us girls; who spent countless hours perfecting the arm pit fart, body part rasberries, the fine art of "crop dusting", hocking loogies, swapping dirty jokes, and finding the humor in other bodily sounds.

But this well earned coming of age knowledge isn't lost when boys turn to men and become husbands and fathers. Turns out, 2 yr old boys think fart noises made by daddy are hysterical. And to us mom's, they become sexy all over again.

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Randomness

On Saturday the husband and I went down to Creekside to watch the free concert they have each Saturday night. This week it was the karaoke band, Fonzie Monroe. Once we arrived, the husband wanted to take Tyler to go feed the ducks goldfish crackers (a favorite past time) so I agreed to wait for the table at the restaurant. Despite having the stroller, I sat down at the bar and ordered a pop. However it was obvious the woman who sat down next to me was NOT drinking pop and was rather chatty for what appeared to be her first drink. Our conversation went something like this:

Her: "Do you have a baby?"

Me: [blink] "Uhm, ya" hence the stroller lady

Her: "Where is she?"

Me: "HE is down at the creek with his father" nosy aren't we...

Her: [nodding, slurping] "Mmm...ok, married?"

Me: "Yes" why?

Her: [distracted] "Could you flag that bartender down for me, if he's just gonna chat with that lady he should bring me another drink"

Me: [flagging the bartender] Oy

By this time the husband had returned from the creek and the lush had a refill, so the conversation resumed.

Her: "He looks just like his father doesn't he"

Me: [shrugs] "I guess"
Yes, my strawberry blonde, blue eyed, fair skinned, chunky faced kid looks just like his greek father. [nods] Yep, exactly.

Her: "I bet you're having like 10 more right"

Me: [stares] "Uh, probably not that many" Sheesh

Her: "So when are you going to start trying again? You are going to try again right?"

Me: [blinks]

Her: "Oh wait, I'm sorry you ARE pregnant, how far along are you?"

Me: Bartender! Vodka tonic, hold the tonic.

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Chicks dig scars

I am raising an Evil Knievel wannabe.

Some days I worry that someone will call children services on me.

Last week recap:

On Monday he face planted after launching himself off the front of a toy motorcycle.

On Tuesday he came home from the sitters with scratches on his upper arm, the sitter said he was racing the other kids down the drive way on his car made a sharp left turn onto the sidewalk and crash landed.

On Wednesday he attempted to ride a scooters meant for 5yrs olds down the driveway. It didn't work and he scrapped up his knee.

Thursday and Friday he must have decided to take a breather because we didn't have any new cuts.

However this weekend, he was back in action.

Saturday, he threw all the couch cushions to the bottom of the stairs and was tossing himself (belly flop style) down a half a flight of stairs into a mosh pit of pillows. [sigh]

Sunday night I was in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner when I hear the strangest sounds coming from the lower level.

Creak......whap/bounce......thump.....giggle.....patter patter patter

Creak.....whap/bounce......thump.....giggle.....patter patter patter

I quietly crept to the edge of the stairs and peered around the corner [gasp] and discovered what was causing the sounds. Tyler had fashioned a step stool from his toddler workbench by positioning it next to my GIANT exercise ball in efforts to mount the exercise ball. Except when he jumped and flung himself on top of the ball, it retracted and tossed him off where he landed on the carpet with a giggle only to quickly pad back over to the bench, move the ball into position and try again.

I should just buy stock in bandaids and neosporin. Might be a wise investment.

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